Trick or Treat?!!

Happy Halloween ~ Samhain ~ All Saints & Souls Day ~ Dia de los Muertos...Week!! It's my favorite time of year when purple, orange and green abound, the quiet mysterious beautiful nights are longer and happy memories of childhood Halloween excitement permeates my being. There was never anything negative about this holiday. Even in the 1980s when some fools put razor blades in apples, I didn't wage any concern over such madness because my neighbors in small town Wisconsin were all established and well known, they adored me and gave me lots of candy. YUMMMMMM When I got older I would watch horror movies with friends and enjoy the hilarity of the absurd choices, situations and monsters which were so unreal that I could never understand why it was scary to others. Today I avoid horror movies like the plague! I found out that some of those movies were based on true, terrible and way scary real situations - YIKES! - but I love that my young mind was able to laugh and have fun when I was young. It was fixed on the fiction and I never let a thought enter that considered any real horror. 

I'm pretty good at shutting ideas out when I have my mind set. It's a very Taurus, bull like, stubborn way and, if you remember, my moon is in Taurus which reflects my subconscious, emotional needs, and reactions to experiences. Certainly, I have a need for stability, for feeling comfortable and a need to ease decision making, so sometimes, ok much of the time, I'm either subconsciously or consciously throwing ideas in the trash. Ask those closest to me. They know that when I get my mind set, it's D U N done or I grump! At least that's how I used to be much of the time. As I grew older and wiser (I hope), I have opened up to listening more often – you know, REALLY listening. It was uncomfortable and kind of made me wiggle in my seat but I kept on because I wanted to be nice and respectful of others. Eventually I started to see how it could also benefit me.

Another side of my mind is full of possibilities and I have a hard time getting away from seeing all the things, good, bad or strange, that could happen depending on what choices were made. It's like the old fork in the road idea but with a thousand different possible outcomes that might more resemble the Amazon River basin. Choices are so overwhelming that just grocery shopping can be daunting. Take peanut butter, for example, it used to be a fork - Jiffy, Skippy, Peter Pan or Generic. Now we have to choose based on so many factors, like does it have hydrogenated oils which can give me a heart attack and is it organic because the pesticides make real great cancer cells, and - oh no! - does it have added palm oil because we don't want to buy something that is unsustainable and leave our kids with a dead planet...and then there's the cost, the flavors and just the number of brands. Kinda makes your head spin, eh?! 

This summer we had to make a crazy number of choices on house upgrades - floor, paint, roofing - some people delight in this kind of adventure – not me - choices galore! It was my own personal horror movie. Back and forth to the paint store - so many samples my eyes went crossed. What's the best choice for the walls? What color should the roof be? We'll need to choose the house color first. (Deep breaths...1,2,3) Well, if we're replacing the nasty carpet in the living room, might as well replace the bedroom carpet too. Can we afford it and if we do that and the replacement flooring is this color then what should the wall color be?? Oh, and when to schedule everything – Oy Vey!  …and on... and on... and on... My husband doesn't like making decisions either. Might be partly that he's worried about my reaction, because, you know, "maybe it should have been that color". Ohhhhhhh the DRAMA! I was so exhausted with making decisions about the house that when my brother, designer/artist by trade, came to visit I decided ahead of time that I would use whatever color his professional educated artsy fartsy suggestion was to paint my indoor walls ...and I did... and it looks great! (Long sighhhhhh) ~ Thank You Chris!

I can see why I shut out ideas to begin with. It was all in an effort to try to make situations as black and white as possible, thus, making life and choices easier. My mind was stubborn for a reason…but I began to see the detriment to that behavior. When I first started opening up life became more jumbled, emotional and confusing. Baby steps brought me results and fully letting someone else make a big decision for me was like bringing home a bag full of candy! Because of this ongoing uncomfortable change, my life has transformed into a more colorful, rich and, oddly, a more balanced way of living. Instead of knowing and acting on that knowing, I question the knowing and dig into what I really believe and think. I'm listening more to my inner self / soul / higher guidance, whatever you want to call it ~ all the above or all in one and I've tapped into something quiet extraordinary. It's taken me from living via my gut feelings, which sometimes reacted too quickly or from the flight or fright fear, to living via my heart. It’s a slower and more calm way of being. My head is still involved but now it's taken a second place to a heart-lead way. I’m forever Melanie, just a better version who processes information through new filters. Oh, and the grocery shopping, it can still be tricky but I just buy a treat and that helps me along!!